Someone should write a blues song about spending 200 on the upper east side.

it is sad when the excitement wears off. it is such a boring, blahblahblah feeling. especially when it is something that you actually had to put an effort into. you think you could be excited about this but you scratch the surface and this thing is not at all what you had hoped. it's like being really excited about the biggest box under the christmas tree. all that anticipation and when you open it, it's a fucking globe.

trifling.

this week has been blahblahblah. no excitement, just routine.

i talked to my challenging/ "for-an-intellectually-stimulating-time-call..." friend Jesse last night. he was in a weird mood and acting like an obstinate asshole. he asked me why i play games. he also asked me if i am ever going to grow out of this "thrill of the hunt" mentality. he said that i am reckless and childish and that i will never be worth the long term relationship to any decent man if i do not get over myself. i started laughing. i start thinking this is supposed to be my close friend. he is using me for target practice. does he even know me? does he realize that i am always the one who falls in lovesoeasily?
he then said that i am:
"smart
sexy
funny
witty
powerful
beautiful"
and that he is proud of me for wanting to be single (of course until it is time to bed down for winter).

having him as a friend is better than having a therapist. it is also better than having a boyfriend.