one top story tonight: "those allen iverson shoes you bought your kids may not be the answer. they could put your kids in danger." the answer to what?
news anchors and their sense of urgency.

for the love of god parents, stop feeding your toddlers shoe labels.

wow.

in my haste to speak on the subject of female pubic hair or lackthereof, i completely left out our male counterparts.

at this time i feel that it is only fair that we broach the subject of male crotch hygiene. i have had an encounter or 4 with some fabulous pubic regions, however, they are not always a walk in the park. the snake you may be seeking could be hiding in some very scary and poorly maintained roughage. sometimes, one must proceed with caution for fear of what could, purely hypothetically, be lurking down below.


hirsute pursuit
just as a general rule, i think a strong majority would agree that hirsute practices leave much to be desired. it is less than pleasurable to spend more time picking grizzly pubes out of your teeth than engaging in the actual deed. assess your hair to dick ratio. even a trim would be beneficial. speaking strictly from personal experience, aspirating pubes is a frightening and gross experience.

shaving is sometimes a little funny. not so much funny, haha.
i am always mildly alarmed when i find myself eye to bald eye with the boys. or the twins? no, i guess i have the twins, you have the boys. regardless. the time and attention given to this detail is appreciated and does not go unrewarded. it makes it easier to give the boys the tender loving care they deserve if they are not hidden beneath a brisly facade. but let's be honest, a little hair in moderation never hurt anyone.

i had a boyfriend once who was insistent on shaving his body once a month or so. i actually shaved his legs once. i thought this was funny. haha. i got a huge kick out of this- it did not,however, make me want to ride his now smoothly shaved body all night long. in fact, it was more than mildly creepy to feel the brillo like chest rub against my back during the night. i'm fairly sure that i got some kind of burn from this on more than one occasion.

balls are funny.
not funny, haha.
or funny, queer.

testicles are just a fun old-fashioned good time. and they are all so different. i wouldn't say i'm so much a connoisseur of nuts, well maybe. no, no no. i am just interested. i can't satiate my curiosity- especially when it involves things that are hidden from the general public. that's pretty much a blanket statement.
some balls are very robust and a little mean looking. then there are the squishy ones.

i had a had a friend that had elephantitis of the left nut. it looked like a banana. now if that's not comedy, i don't know what is.

i think the subject of balls warrants a good hearty discussion. i would honestly like to have some statistics on how many women/girls (if you're a totally sick fuck- just kidding) ignore the sack altogether. just tell her honestly, simply, kindly, but firmly that the balls are feeling bastardized. and if that doesn't work, there's always the angry dragon or the dog in a bathtub.

oh and another important point: if you have a scorching case of herpes (or the clap or the hivvies or anything else), for the love of all that is sacred, don't go spreading your seed about town. it is just not something you do.