twenty something girls are fabulous.

apparently.

luckily i'm one of them.

yeah, luckily.

i've been having weird sleep patterns/dreams this week.

all involving boys that i think i should date/used to date/peeing in my pants. the dreams, that is. unfortunately the bizarre sleep patterns this week have not involved boys.

i have recently become obsessed with incontinence. every time i get a warm feeling on my leg or foot, i feel like i'm going to pee in my pants. and now i've started dreaming that i wet the bed.

take this morning. i opened half of an eye, following one such dream. whew! still dry. and when i take my laundry to the place that so kindly does it for me, i'm thinking "noooo rubber sheets here, mister."

what is this?

i swear i dream this like 3 times a week.

i have also recently become obsessed with the fact that i think everyone is trying to steal my identity. i have no reason to think this. i just do. myinnersleuth. ready to crack the case.

another thing i've been thinking about: how cunnilingus is such a process. not in a chore kind of way, but more of a it-takes-planning kind of way. fellatio can be pulled off flawlessly in even the most spontaneous of circumstances. i mean, come on now, this is totally unfair. it is a breeze to slide into the bathroom during halftime of monday night football and give some quick fellatio to the boy du jour. but how often do you shade off to the bathroom for some wham, bam, cunnilingus?

and this is not even taking into account the time differential.

i can't even remember the last time i saw someone eating at the Y in an alley or that dimly lit corner of the bar. any bar.

there are times when one mightwish for an external vagina. i personally don't think i would want Mrs.P to be just sort of out there. when i think of every man's crotch i've ever stared at- i think i would feel violated if i had that many eyes on an obtrusive vagina.

maybe that's part of her mystery, mrs. p. maybe that's why women are such a "mystery" or whatever. i can see your dick swelling in your pants guy, but can you tell that i am ready to ravage you, limb from limb?

i
don't
think
so

and that's why god gave us tits i guess. big, unmistakable tits. sex. sex. sex.

and nipples

some people's nipples give it away. like mine.

i just look at a man, any man at all and these sluts perk right up. i mean come on gals, howabout a little discretion

i'm proud to say i never stuffed my bra. now, push-ups are another story.

i hope you've never stuffed your draws. and push ups for that sucker? well sweet christ i hope not. or would that fall under cock rings?

speaking of cock rings... my boss definitely shared entirely too much information with me yesterday. this story was comprised of many-a-sextoy: dildos/vibrators/crotchless panties/ and cockrings. alarming. extremely alarming.

it made me very nervous.

so nervous, in fact, that i almost peed in my pants.

or did i