tonight i missed him.

maybe i was looking through the world with rose colored glasses, but i missed him so much i thought i might puke.

i thought of the last dinner at de valk.

and waiting for the bus.


and i wondered if the people around us knew about the war going on between us.

i wondered if we even knew about the war between us.

in spite of all of the shit, we were still completely connected. we laughed because we had thought once upon a time we would have children together.

i guess it wasn't that funny.
or at least i didn't think it was.

we danced to stupid songs in the living room.

i tried not to think that every moment, every action, every glance, would be the last.


and i forgot about all the bad.
all the ugliness.
all of the corruption of our perfect love.

i focused on the happiness.
and it brought pain. pain of saying goodbye.

and now fear.
fear of the unknown.

my mum told me not to let pride stand in the way. ev-er.
like not going to bed angry.

i thought about the time that i watched him sleep and thought if i died in my sleep right now, i'd die happy.

i had this love that so many people never feel.

the kind of love that completely consumes you. almost knocks you off your feet. the kind where your heart explodes with happiness.
and you feel paralyzed without them.

i smiled because i thought we were the dream team.



reconciliation
hurdles
MOUNTAINS to overcome


that daft punk song, make love.

hold my hand.

these aren't new things.

sure the players are different. the venue is new.

but the rules have not changed.
and the game certainly has not.