i haven't brushed my hair in a week.

speaking of hair and head and good head. i need a headhunter.
resumes all over my gorgeous city.

if you look closely, you can see the big "e" for eatery sign on the left side of 9th ave. we were completely snowed in. the only people driving were the drug dealers.

she texts "pb farewell party.. wheeeeeeeee! have fun & good luck."

he texts "thanks.."


score.


THEY move back to nyc.

she is envious. stuck in what, this week, is her own personal hell.

it comes in waves.

undulating.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....


it feels so good...............


but, no. it doesn't.



habitual.

sometimes lovely. sometimes very mundane. sometimes a
dirty
nasty
skeleton in your closet.

apparently it takes 3 weeks to make something a habit.

may 16.

i think yesterday marked three weeks.




but i can't be fucked to look at a calendar. i am too busy engaging in my new habits.

you're probably not conscious of the bad ones. the ones that seem harmless and begin as "dabbling."

and maybe you're thoroughly haunted by the ones that seem painful and awful. but they'll probably turn out to be the best ones for you.

the thing i hate about habitual/habits is the loss of control.

maybe that's an exaggeration. but there is some inevitable loss of control. you no longer will it. it's not intentional anymore.

it's simply done.



tonight i got this text:


yesssssssssssssssssssssssss



fucking hell.
i can't concentrate.
i can tell i'm stressed. my skin is a nightmare.

another re-org. same fucking department. same fucking boss that love/hates me. she loves to throw around the word "boss." she's my "boss." so quick to criticize. almost never complimentary.

i'm stupid and gullible and naive, but i think it's better to compliment unnecessarily.
NOT falsely.
I mean genuine compliments.

when i try to appeal to her personable side she thinks i am a slacker. she loves the me that i hate. bitchy. serious.

a serious bitch.

but not even.
she prefers everything to be flat.
life in 2-D.
i think she prefers a world devoid of emotion. or maybe i'm way off-base?

her passion is not evident.

i prefer a lumpy, bumpy topographical life.

i can feel the difference between happy and sad.


i get my new assistant in a few weeks.

i hope she never feels this way about me.