and bigger question:
why do i continue to go back there?

they have this lame vip room that's free booze for members so after a carafe of sake and a glass of kir, we went to sugar.

the mistake, my friends, is in mixing up the drinks. why can't i stick to one thing?

am i that non-committal to where i can't even drink the same alcohol for a whole evening? it doesn't even have to be the exact same. just the same genre would be good.

it was because we went for sushi (so i had to drink sake) and then to this wine bar (so i had a kir) and then since we were all dressed up, we decided to show up at sugar. dance off the spring rolls and do a few laps and hi-how-are-you-it's-so-great-to-see-yous and then leave. nope.

first, i went to order a drink and the mob around the bar was sick. i immediately wanted to retreat but i thought no. don't be a brat. just wait and drink for free so you don't hate yourself in the morning for having a huge bar tab from a wannabe bar.
unfortunately, that was not in the cards.

after finally scraping to the bar (dead center) i was patiently waiting for one of the bartenders when an overly manicured asshole in a black button-down shirt starts literally dangling money over my head. count them: 1, 2 dollars. $2!! are you serious???
so not only does this guy (who is at least a foot taller than me) basically have his arm resting on top of my head, but he is waving $2 at the female bartender, who is wearing red ruffled underpants, fish nets, and a black top. i thought no way is this cute little waitress who totally has it going on right now, going to go for this heteroquestionable broke dick's two crumpled dollar bills.
i turned to him and said ARE YOU KIDDING ME? and he persisted. only this time i realized he must only have $2 because he spent the rest of his allowance on hair gel and this heinous express-mens getup.
no sooner did i think this guy was toast, than did the bartender turn our way. approaching in slow motion. locked and ready to fire.
suddenly her eyes break from mine.
"what can i get for you?"
and the fucking harlet snatches the two dollar bills out of the guys hand.

that's it.
i couldn't do it.
i took off for the pedestrian bar where the wannabes actually want-to-be instead of think-they-are.



we had one more encounter with the bad metrosexual. it involved painfully watching him pursue this girl on the dancefloor... to the point of: it was so tragic, i actually felt a little sorry for him.
body: 8
hair & clothes: 4
moves: -14

he was so jerky and awkward that we stood in disbelief that this person even exists.
it was like the elaine benes, the carlton, and the hokey pokey all rolled into one. and the girl actually, literally, RAN away.

poor guy.
i hope he got his $2 worth.

i'm boring.

i said it.

maybe not boring. maybe just lazy.

and still uninspired.

i need a new adventure.

i laid in the sun and contemplated the next thing. where to go, what to do...
i had exactly 3 phone conversations while on the roof. and all of them came back to the same thing: the next big adventure.
it was a detox sort of weekend.
all of the close friends out of town and that was a-ok.
i read two books.
i got a haircut.
i bought a dress.
i went to the grocery store.
i didn't speak to anyone.
i even went to church.
sometimes, the greek cathedral is an amazing place for meditation. i wish these pictures did it justice. in the morning. when the sun is shining, it looks so clean and white and beautiful.





this morning was not so peaceful. i just could not connect to anything, even myself and my thoughts. i sat in the back with a gaggle of squealing children and their gabby luncheoning mothers. the kids were adorable and fun. their mothers were cloying and obnoxious. i had a hard time chalking their constant chatter up to youth and naivete. then the priest gave a major guilt speech of the you-don't-come-to-church/volunteer/giveenoughmoney persuasion (just the kind that turns me off from the church). and to top it off i was paraded around by a woman who announced that it was her mission to introduce me to EVERYONE at the coffee hour.
awesome.
so much for laying low.

oh well. the weekend was sanctuary in and of itself. i am not exhausted today.

i just guess i have lost all of the interesting things that i used to think about?
ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

still trying. still fucking trying.

no worries. it will come.

summerdress is in the blog junkyard.

maybe shoved on a shelf in the garage.

or under the bed.

or in a random cabinet in the kitchen.

it is here, but it doesn't really exist.

i am doubting myself.

i am happy confused.

maybe a little bit fucked up.

and freaking out.

what am i doing?

alkdlfjaljfahfoajfladjfl lkadf;lakjfdljwoejf

have to go to bed then.

yikes.