i'm ready.

pewwww i stink i think. ick. my hands smell like cheap soap.

get ready to jump.


i like to think about patterns in life.

natural ones of all kinds.

cycles.
visual pattern.
emotional pattern.

dammit my pattern analysis is being interrupted by this stupid show on mtv that i love.
this guy cheated on his girlfriend and they broke up. she left in a pretty awful scene. he let her cool off and then started calling again. now he is showering her with flowers and being the most perfect boyfriend. she hasn't taken him back yet. but damn if he isn't off to a good start!

flowers mean i'm sorry
chocolates mean i love you

i had this weird conversation with my mother last night.

she ALWAYS asks about him.
"what's the latest?"
"what are you gonna do?"
"be proud, but don't let pride get in the way."
"i'd hate for you to walk away from the ONE."
"you never know until you try."

it's so odd because my mother is usually super negative. cynical and conservative and realistic and totally NOT a dreamer like me.
to me she is warm and fuzzy and a little cherub, but she sometimes comes off as a little abrasive. she either really likes people or really doesn't.
it's usually very black and white with her.

but i digress.

why is she so into this?

she's the one i cried to every 2 hours for the first few days.
i woke her up in the middle of the night from the other side of the world. sobbing my eyes out.
she saw my devastation and felt my pain.
and somehow she wants me to give it a chance.

so ok.

oooooooh they just starting making out on tv. yesssssssssssssssssssss.
i want to make out with that range rover.

oh jesus. but next week they're going to break up again.

shitttttttttttttttttt

he did all the right shit. said all the right things. painted a beautiful picture to win her back. but he didn't fucking change. same bullshit.
yeah yeah yeah he wanted her back. but not badly enough to be a good person.

ajfdlakjflkdsajf

ROAROAROAOROAROAORAORAORAOAROAROAR

fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me.

ok. i'll watch something happy and mindless (as if The Hills isn't mindless enough)...



oops. i can't get my mind back on the cycles.
the patterns in life.
fuccccccccccccckkkkkkkk
next time.

and ps- my dad is still pissed