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true to yourself to the bitter end
Published Tuesday, July 11, 2006 by summerdress | E-mail this post
things move in waves. pulses. ups and downs.
he loves me, he loves me not.
here today, gone tomorrow.
april showers, may flowers.
you just never know.
today- the world undulated. my life shifted.
up
down
up
down
up
no sooner did i say, "this could be a good day, but the jury's still out," than the shit hit the fan.
then things looked up, up, UP!
and the tides continued to roll in and out for the rest of the day.
people. PEOPLE. IMPORTANT PEOPLE roll in and out of my life.
i guess relief is good. but consistency is also a plus.
i don't like feeling confused.
i said i wasn't going to write anything tonight because i need to try to sleep. last night i was convinced someone was breaking in to my apartment. so i need sleep.
no blog.
sleep.
and look at me.
writing just to defy myself.
defy my sleep.
deny my anxiety and my current fear of closing my eyes.
today she says, "can you travel next week? good because i need you to fly to hong kong on saturday."
this is where i will stay. nice room on the harbour.
kind of a sweet little setup.
i'm so lusting for an adventure. thirsting for inspiration.
i hope i get kidnapped by a band of peaceful chinese gypsies that think i am their muse.
mutual muse-dom.
that is what i wish for.
finding a muse to make the insides come alive.
being a muse to feel the overwhelming sense of meaning and belonging.
being dependent with independence.
can you feel me?
i want to love you and need you but still be myself. a free spirit bound to a glorious union.
hmmmm. is it impossible?
no, nothing is.
one of my favorite activities is beating the odds.
hearing everyone say "Impossible!" and "it's just not practical" and "it'll never work!" and proving them all
WRONG.
every
last
one.
give them all the proverbial fuckyou!
true to your god.
true to the science.
true to the spirit of the law.
true to yourself to the bitter end.
he loves me, he loves me not.
here today, gone tomorrow.
april showers, may flowers.
you just never know.
today- the world undulated. my life shifted.
up
down
up
down
up
no sooner did i say, "this could be a good day, but the jury's still out," than the shit hit the fan.
then things looked up, up, UP!
and the tides continued to roll in and out for the rest of the day.
people. PEOPLE. IMPORTANT PEOPLE roll in and out of my life.
i guess relief is good. but consistency is also a plus.
i don't like feeling confused.
i said i wasn't going to write anything tonight because i need to try to sleep. last night i was convinced someone was breaking in to my apartment. so i need sleep.
no blog.
sleep.
and look at me.
writing just to defy myself.
defy my sleep.
deny my anxiety and my current fear of closing my eyes.
today she says, "can you travel next week? good because i need you to fly to hong kong on saturday."
this is where i will stay. nice room on the harbour.
kind of a sweet little setup.i'm so lusting for an adventure. thirsting for inspiration.
i hope i get kidnapped by a band of peaceful chinese gypsies that think i am their muse.
mutual muse-dom.
that is what i wish for.
finding a muse to make the insides come alive.
being a muse to feel the overwhelming sense of meaning and belonging.
being dependent with independence.
can you feel me?
i want to love you and need you but still be myself. a free spirit bound to a glorious union.
hmmmm. is it impossible?
no, nothing is.
one of my favorite activities is beating the odds.
hearing everyone say "Impossible!" and "it's just not practical" and "it'll never work!" and proving them all
WRONG.
every
last
one.
give them all the proverbial fuckyou!
You were my dream come true
Can't you see what you've put me through
The love that tears me apart
Still beats deep, deep down in my heart
Can't you see what you've put me through
The love that tears me apart
Still beats deep, deep down in my heart
true to your god.
true to the science.
true to the spirit of the law.
true to yourself to the bitter end.
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Hi Sweety,
Better then nothing...it's so indirect and unpersonal but againg better then nothing!
This morning walking to my work, I was thinking how fast we forget all the efforts we do if we really want something because one's you got it (you know that it's worth it and you forget).
My first bike (begging my parents, working very hard to get the money), my first evening out (convincing my parents), skatebord, diploma, living in Paris, obtaining my Master, first job, second job, ....
I REALLY REALLY want to work this out, I am suffering and it's most of the time painfull but I cannot wait to have for the rest of my life a happy and cool life with the person that I love the most (starting a family, doing crazy and funny stuff....)
Katel, I am 100 % true to myself you are my muse, wath a pitty that you prefere to be other ones muse.
Anyway, again tongith I will stay up late... this phonecalls are important to me... I am happy for you for HK but can I wait another week without real concreet conversations?
I am struggeling all the time with this....
Love you, and plz help me to make this thing happen it cannot come from one side...
Fuck all the rest we are the best
"We are going to get them, the Tigers.."
xxxx
Patrick