dad is getting well.
enzyme tests confirm NO heart attacks were had.

Apparently there was internal bleeding from something else causing major bloodloss... blood in stomach caused sickness which caused dehydration... the culmination being the heart-attack-like incident on the golf course. adrenaline & anxiety from thinking it was a heart attack caused a very low blood pressure (from the blood loss) to falsely elevate leading EMS people to try to lower even more. Nitro under the tongue. An almost deadly low pulse caused second heart-attack-like episode in ambulance.

blood counts revealed low hemoglobin.
endoscopy revealed ulcers in the stomach.

hooorayyyyyy totally fixable!

this weekend i will fly away again to visit the fam, make nice with the natives, and maybe misbehave a little. i can't even remember my last healthy dose of shenanigans.

i have been very concentrated.

very stressed and concentrated.

two adjectives that don't often describe me. and more importantly, two adjectives that i don't particularly want to describe me.

i like being a little bit of a loose cannon.

canon: a law, rule, or code of law/ a musical composition
cannon: a large piece of weaponry used to fire heavy projectiles.

i'll be a loose cannon, loose with my canons?

i haven't loved words in a long time. maybe time to pull out the old thesaurus and fall in love all over again.

what is the significance of the word hermetically? "the hermetic confines of an isolated life"...
what did hermes do exactly? wasn't he the messenger?
i didn't realize there was a whole religion devoted to him--- a sort of occult following: hermeticism.

AVOIDING PERSECUTION THROUGH SECRECY

ha!

it seems logical enough. but you have to be a TOTAL vault to make it work. and leave no trail. because i have found that lies are always uncovered. and it is never pretty.
-----------i don't know what i think about people anymore


weird text from nyc friend tonight:

"let's try to hook up when you are in nyc this summer. farewell."

umm, ok.

weird text last week from old nyc who moved back to colorado:

"come to denver and visit. meow"

ummm, ok.

i'm just waiting for creepy Andy P, and creepier claudio papietro to text and we'll be playing with a full deck.

i'm also waiting to get my birthday cards and bottle of cristal in the mail.

fuckers.

xexexexexexxexexexexexexexexeexexeexexexexexexexexeex
=====================================================
bdbdbdbdbdbdbbdbddbbddbdbdbdbdbdbbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbbdbdb

a bunch of fucking broke dicks.

let me tell you where i am.

i am an open book.
alone.
but i know what i want.
i am secure & independent: socially, financially, mentally, physically.
i am ready for the next jump.
the next big thing.
i don't know what it is, but i am excited because somewhere along the way,
i grew up.

i am not a calculating person.
responsibly irresponsible.
every great thing i've ever done has involved a leap of faith.

LEAP OF FAITH.

1-2-3 JUMP!