everything has its limits. do you know where to find yours?

tweedle dee and tweedle dipshit


anonymity is difficult to achieve. i'm not famous. but what the hell is famous. lack of anonymity.

i sent someone a comment on their blog tonight. i regret it now. not because i didn't sincerely mean what i said, but because i don't want them to try to find me. that sounds really lame and overdramatic. but i didn't write them so they'd write me back. i wrote them because their writing was really sad and raw. everyone in this big anonymous but so un-anonymous world is not an asshole.

gross, sentimentality is so fucking lame.

2 nights ago i had a bartender at this shady bar downtown that looked EXACTLY like the trailer park version of my scary ex-neighbor: single white female. scary. i wanted to claw her eyeballs out of the painted up lids everytime she served me with that big toothy mouth that looked like an octopus anus. or didn't serve me for 30 minutes at the time. why am i having deja-vu over this. did i already blog about this? and did i just use blog as a verb? pisser.

today i was really excited to come home and listen to the marcy playground song bye bye. it was a little unnatural how many times i thought about this song today. i am always mesmerized by the words 'spatial spectral' strung together.

new york is weird today. quiet but accusing. i have seen so many police today that it is making me paranoid. their motorcade sounded like a swarm of mopeds, not motorcycles. it made me laugh how untimidating they were. they looked serious though. i will give them that, grimmacing as they whizzed down the street.

the saxophone is a little bit sexy, but bill clinton doesnt really do anything for the cause.

it is hotter than 7 hells in my apartment right now. i have not been able to be fully clothed while at home since friday. come to think of it, i don't really practice being fully clothed while at home ever. unless i am having guests. i also think it is weird when people wear shoes around the house. it does not seem to be the time or the place.

socks in bed are especially gross.

proud moments


"tonight my dahling, don't be bashful."


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and still more shameful

an advertisement that was banned for being "inappropriate."

textbook nerd wearing clash t-shirt. you are rad. come listen to some clash albums with me.

the facts of life reunion is on tv right now. somehow i have just wasted the last 30 minutes of my life watching this. natalie, who is even less attractive in the later years, is in a dilemma trying to juggle her men. such a feel-good story--the fat "nice girl" trying to decide between two hot, successful men. i'm sorry but this is just a little far-fetched. and nancy mckeon did not make it back for this long awaited "reunion" in peekskill. what the fuck, jo? i missed out on why she was absent; i was too late to see the beginning.

i just got back from the spa. it is more than a little erotic to have hot honey poured on your feet and hands and then massaged into them. i actually think i felt tears welling up when i had to open my eyes and realize that the two hours was up.

and ps, 20 years didn't make kim fields any less annoying.

sentimentality is indulgence in emotion for its own sake, or expression of more emotion than an occasion warrants.

sketchily.
it's an adverb.

the cold ketel in the ice box taunts me.

my horoscope today said that i would be getting a phone call from someone random today with news that i would find "absolutely delightful."

calls received today:
mercer
hattie&evan
dad
jamie
michael
mum
phil d
leah
barsh
joey
casey
elliott

the only unexpected call was from phil. he thinks we need to move on the japan deal asap. he gave me a dropdeaddate of september19. "japan deal." sounds so hush hush. well it is hushhush you asshole.

i just read some great erotica. it made my night.

well, that and my 2hour mani/pedi at oasis tomorrow aft.

talking to your mom about doing coke is funny. haha and weird. her excuse for everything else is that she was a product of the 60's and 70s, but she swears left right and center that she never tried it.

Gashlycrumb Tinies by Edward Gorey

..

castrating bitch
opal
mother
enthusiasm
judge
spouse
sexy
engender
transgender
casualty
royal blue
sandusky
burlesque
succint
subsidize
array
narrow
blog
disco trifecto
sexy
blahblahblah
pithy
naughtiness
honorable
banana
let's discuss
drinking shoes
depends
slutty jew dyke
biscuit
swedish fish
anal
analog
analogy
paddle
pick
blister
be gentle
anglophile
blahblahblah
fray
wave
shenandoah
shangri-la
grievance
mexico
cliche
genre
unsurmountable
violent depression
broccoli
pin down
making out w/married mark
star
charlie from accounting is weird
budget
haggard

Someone should write a blues song about spending 200 on the upper east side.

it is sad when the excitement wears off. it is such a boring, blahblahblah feeling. especially when it is something that you actually had to put an effort into. you think you could be excited about this but you scratch the surface and this thing is not at all what you had hoped. it's like being really excited about the biggest box under the christmas tree. all that anticipation and when you open it, it's a fucking globe.

trifling.

this week has been blahblahblah. no excitement, just routine.

i talked to my challenging/ "for-an-intellectually-stimulating-time-call..." friend Jesse last night. he was in a weird mood and acting like an obstinate asshole. he asked me why i play games. he also asked me if i am ever going to grow out of this "thrill of the hunt" mentality. he said that i am reckless and childish and that i will never be worth the long term relationship to any decent man if i do not get over myself. i started laughing. i start thinking this is supposed to be my close friend. he is using me for target practice. does he even know me? does he realize that i am always the one who falls in lovesoeasily?
he then said that i am:
"smart
sexy
funny
witty
powerful
beautiful"
and that he is proud of me for wanting to be single (of course until it is time to bed down for winter).

having him as a friend is better than having a therapist. it is also better than having a boyfriend.

i logged in about 40 hours with harriet this weekend and remarkably i didn't get sick of her. not because she isn't awesome, but because i generally get very sick of people very easily. i don't know where that comes from, but it is not a favorite personal attribute.

i spent a lot of time on my roof sunning yesterday. Today my skin is looking a little bit freckley. i didn't even realize they still made freckles.

i spend an incredible amount of time examining every square inch of my skin. it is very therapeutic and sometimes fun to try to recount how certain battlewounds were acquired. today, bruises from last tuesday night on my shins look bigger.
in all of my over-indulgent splendor, i skidded across the floor of Lit and slammed my shins into the couch that hattie and cole were on. i somehow managed to salvage my drink as i sailed across the two of them, but it wasn't pretty.
and pink panties were seen by all.

wilco 10/6?
hell yes.

Royal blue is an odd color. So primary, but you don't hear much about it.

in the in less than twenty four hours, my roommate cycled through an entire relationship with her ex, unbeknownst to him.. i think this is very strange and very human and very funny.
Yesterday morning, on our walk to work, she went on and on about how he is the one, and even if they have only seen eachother a handful of times since the original break up, she is committed and has a "feeling about it this time." fast forward to yesterday at lunch when she called to tell me that she thought she should try to call him and tell him that she didn't really mean that she wanted to get back together and maybe they should take it slow (on a trial basis, of course). Last night she called and left him a message that they should get together for drinks or dinner this weekend and "talk, before things get weird and uncomfortable."

i'm not sure they get any more uncomfortable than that.

harriet's friend:
scrawled on the bathroom wall of He's Not Here: "no matter how hot she is...someone, somewhere is tired of her bullshit."

funny.

i find that sometimes, on my morning walk to work, there is a lot to talk about.

i am excited to go home.

i would hate to be called a castrating bitch, but i know a few.

Mason Jennings
Summer Dress
Dark clouds coming, honey we go to the sea
Dark clouds coming, honey we go to the sea
Dark clouds coming, honey we go to the sea
Slip out the back door and leave our cars
Leave everybody inside wondering where we are
Pull you in close, lay you naked down on your back
Pull you in close, lay you naked down on your back
Pull you in close, lay you naked down on your back
Oh, life has been good to me
Turn a little phrase and give you my sympathy
Waited for the rain and the rain it finally came
Waited for the rain and the rain it finally came
We waited for the rain and the rain it finally came
And came, and came oh yes
Like compliments to a brand new summer dress

pithy is a great word.

"Gemini
Describing the Twins as mercurial is right on the money, since Gemini is ruled by the Planet Mercury. Moving, restless, seeking, learning -- Gemini is constant motion, a torrent of wind which is in keeping with this sign's element of Air. The Twins are highly intellectual and won't hesitate to play mind games with a lover, mere child's play to them. They are also great communicators, so get ready to hear everything from pithy remarks to impassioned pleas. Inventive, quick-witted and fun, the Twins will jump around from one lover to the next until they find one who is almost as smart as they are and able to keep up in this high-spirited race. The reward for those who can lasso a Gemini is a free-spirited lover who shines at parties but is also a devil in the bedroom. Many Geminis are also ambidextrous. Ooh."

oooh.

and fyi, i think acronyms and labels like B&T are hilarious.